


Silence is the most powerful scream

by nancy01



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Liam Payne, Alpha Louis Tomlinson, Alpha Zayn Malik, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anxious Harry, Anxious Harry Styles, Beta Niall Horan, Loud Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson is Protective of Harry Styles, M/M, Mute Harry, Omega Harry, Omega Harry Styles, Protective Louis Tomlinson, Shy Harry, Shy Harry Styles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26647156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancy01/pseuds/nancy01
Summary: The problem is, Harry knows he has issues. That's kinda what happens when you have an abusive father for most of your childhood.Since he was 12 the only people he's spoken vocally to are his mama, Gemma, Zayn and Niall. Niall took a bit longer because Harry hadn't known him as long, but in all those years he'd still never managed to fully regain his speech.Harry had selective mutism, which by definition is a severe anxiety disorder where a person is unable to speak in certain social situations, and in Harry's case those certain situations is everyone other than afore mentioned people.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik
Comments: 35
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna leave it here??

Niall supposes that if he came home to see any other Omega sat on his Alpha's lap, all hell would break lose.

But it's Harry, and honestly at this point Niall would find it odd to come home and not see Harry sat on his Alpha's lap.

Zayn looks up from his laptop when he hears the door shutting, smiling softly when he see's his Beta standing there. _Hey_ he mouths, cautious not to wake Harry up.

Niall smiles and walks over, pressing a gentle kiss to the Alpha's lips. "He been asleep for long?" he whispers, pushing Harry's hair carefully out of his eyes.

"Yeah, couple hours maybe? He was kinda shaking a bit when he got here, I don't know if something's happened or he's just a bit more sensitive today. You think you could talk to him?" Zayn whispers back.

Niall nods and takes a seat on their other couch, sliding his shoes off.

If you asked Niall what's the one thing he would want the most in the world, it would be to take all of Harry's shit away. Because you would never meet someone who was as accepting, as kind, as loving as Harry. You just wouldn't. And yet the universe played Harry dirty in so many ways and it just wasn't fucking fair.

Niall's been by Harry's side since he moved to England when he was 10, he'd been there through all the trauma, all the panic attacks, the bullying, the grief. He'd seen it all, he'd seen the Omega's beuatiful eyes filled with fear _so_ many times, and yet still he managed to keep a smile through it all.

"He's been over here almost every day recently, you think we should be worried?" Niall asks his boyfriend.

"I don't know," Zayn sighs, "to be completely honest I thought maybe he was getting better, but these past couple of weeks seem to suggest otherwise. I mean, everyone on my course keeps asking if I'm seeing an Omega cause its all they can fucking smell on me all the time. And Harry never normally scents me but its seems to be the only thing that will calm him down at the moment. Maybe we should take him to the doctors, just in case?"

Niall grimaces. "Well that sounds like a fun day, count me in," he says sarcastically, only getting a glare back from Zayn. It wasn't exactly a secret that Harry hated the doctors and anything remotely related to hospitals, and it was always a massive pain in the arse when they had to go.

"Don't give me that, Ni. It's not his fault and you know it. It's gonna be fine. Anyways, what did you want for dinner? I don't think Haz's gonna be up for cooking anything. We could order some Pizza's in if you wanted?"

Niall grins. "I love you, Malik."

-

Zayn sighs, taking his glasses off and pushing the laptop off of Harry's lap and onto the sofa next to him, pulling the Omega closer to his body.

When Zayn was younger he always envisoned himself being with an Omega like Harry, someone to protect and provide for. That's what his biology was meant for, wasn't it? To fight off other Alpha's so he could be with an Omega? Intra-sexual selection and all that shit.

But Zayn was more than his Alpha. Sure, he felt a need to protect and care for someone, but that didn't just come in tbhe form of an Omega. When he was in school, everyone used to say him and Harry would end up together, and Niall would be the third-wheel.

And every time someone said that, Zayn would feel that need to protect Niall. Not Harry. Sure, Niall was a Beta, but Niall was also the best thing to ever have come into Zayn's life.

He loved Harry, but he was _in_ love with Niall. And that was the difference. And having a relationship with Harry as close as they did helped Zayn to relieve the typical Alpha tendencies he didn't necessaily get to use with Niall. 

Harry was more like a little brother to Zayn. They were in the same year at school, but Zayn was two years older, having been kept back when he was in pre-school. 

He can remember Harry's first day, he had been one of the smallest in the class and was so nervous having to sit next to Zayn that he was practically shaking like a leaf. (Which in reterospect was probably another cause of Harry's dad, but Zayn hadn't known that when he was 6 and Harry was 4.

They's been friends since that day forth, Zayn not being accepted by the other Alpha's in the class because he hung with the weird kid, and Harry not being accepted by the Omega's because he was, well, weird.

They were in their last year of primary school when Niall joined, full of beans and irish charm, and he'd instantly clicked with them both.

Zayn supposes it's quite rare to still be friends with your first two friends, but they'd all gone to the same uni now that Zayn was 20, Niall just turned 19, and Harry ever the baby at 18.

Zayn had heard it all when it came to Zayn's relationship with Niall and Harry. How can you have a boyfriend who's okay with you having an Omega? Is Harry worth the extra bother he causes? Why is Harry to reliant on Zayn and Niall? And Zayn wanted to punch all of the arseholes, (okay maybe one time he actually did but Niall and Harry had ignored him for a week after that so it wasn't really worth it, even if it did feel good) because Harry wasn't fucking baggage.

He just had some problems, and Zayn and Niall were there to help. 

-

_"What are you Harry?!"_

_Harry shook his head rapidly as tears formed and stared at his shoes. It was early, and Harry knew it was early because mummy always told him he couldn't get out of bed until the little hand was pointing at the six, and the little hand had been at least three spaces away from the six._

_"Harry! You don't ignore your father like that! Answer the damn question!"_

_Harry looks up tentatively and looks his father in the eyes. "I-, I'm not an Alpha, Papa. I'm not an Alpha, and I never will be. I-I am an Ome-, an Omega. I'm an Omega like Mama. Mama says that being an Omega is special!"_

_Harry felt it before he saw it, the hand flying out and slapping him harshly across the face. Tears immediately spring to his eyes as his own hand flys up to protect his face. "Ow! Papa that hurt!"_

_"An Alpha would be able to take it, Harry. You need to grow the fuck up and stop playing these stupid games!"_

_Harry gasped again upon hearing his Papa swearing. "Mama!"_

_His father's large and calloused hand presses firmly against his lips, muffling his shouts._

_"Your Mama can't help you now, Harry. She's weak, an Omega. This is why I'm training you up, so you can be strong and protect her. Like an Alpha would. Tell me again, Harry. What are you?"_

_Harry feels his tears run down his face. "An Alpha," he whispers._

_-_

Harry wakes up with a jolt, hitting his head on an Alpha's chest and tensing up immediately, his heart rate picking up.

"Hey, calm down, Haz, it's just me," he hears Zayn saying comfortingly.

_It was a dream, a fucking dream, Harry, get a grip._

That particular dream/memory Harry recalls being 5. It had been the first time he'd been brave enough to stand up to his Papa and call himself an Omega. 

It was also the first time his Papa had hit him.

"Hazza? Talk to me, babes. I'm right here," Zayn says softly again.

Harry tucks his head into Zayn's chest and listens to the soft thud of his heart beat to try and ground him a little better. "Sorry," he whispers.

"Don't apologize, it's okay. Are you feeling okay? You seemed a bit worse for wear earlier," Zayn says, rubbing a comforting hand up and down Harry's back.

The Omega shrugs. "Where's Ni?"

"He's upstairs taking a shower, don't change the subject. We were thinking of maybe having a chat with your doct-"

"I think maybe I should go. I-, um, I don't want to infringe on your time with Niall. I'm sorry for falling asleep on you. I'm just gonna-, I'll just see myself out," Harry mutters quietly, standing up and stuffing his feet into his shoes, decidedly not looking at Zayn.

"Harry, I know the doctors seems like a scary place, and I know it has really bad connotations for you. But I'm worried, me and Niall both. They might be able to help, babes, that's not a bad thing," Zayn says carefully.

Harry shakes his head. "No, not going. It's fine, _I'm_ fine. You should have just told me if I was overstepping your boundaries, I don't want to make this tricky between you two. But you don't need to send me to the doctors for it, it's fine. Tell Niall I said hi."

"Hazza-"

Harry shakes his head again, grabs his jacket and makes a hasty exit, hearing a faint "fuck" from Zayn.

The problem is, Harry knows he has issues. That's kinda what happens when you have an abusive father for most of your childhood.

Since he was 12 the only people he's spoken vocally to are his mama, Gemma, Zayn and Niall. Niall took a bit longer because Harry hadn't known him as long, but in all those years he'd still never managed to fully regain his speech.

Harry had selective mutism, which by definition is a severe anxiety disorder where a person is unable to speak in certain social situations, and in Harry's case those certain situations is everyone other than afore mentioned people.

And if that wasn't bad enough, he also has clinical touch deprivation. Even though all Omegas can go into depri of neglected for long enough, Harry was part of the 0.3% of the population that had to have a certain amount of hours with physical contact to an Alpha every week or he'd go straight into depri.

And that meant going to a hospital, which was at the top of Harry's _things to avoid_ list. Harry liked lists, because then, even when his life was falling apart for the millionth time, he feels slightly calmer.

Harry's Mama was an Omega, and considering Harry hadn't seen his father since he was 12 and Gemma had moved away to France, Harry was a bit stuck in options for Alpha's he could get comfort from.

Especially considering he couldn't exactly ask someone for it, as that would involve talking, and the second thing on Harry's _things to avoid_ list was talking to people.

And so Zayn had become Harry's offical Alpha, not in a romantic way, but in the way that meant if he were to be rushed to hospital Zayn would make all the decisions, if Harry wants to go on a date with another Alpha he needs Zayn's permission, and Harry had to spend at least three one hour sessions of contact time with Zayn a week.

Harry wasn't really worried about Zayn making his decisions at hospital because he knew Zayn would make the right choices, and he really didn't care about the whole dating thing because it was very unlikely that he was ever going to go on a date with someone, but the three hourly sessions? It just made Harry feel like a burden, and that was number three of Harry's _things to avoid_ list. Because being a burden meant Harry was being difficult and when Harry was difficult it used to end up in his father hitting the shit out of him.

Harry groans as he stops walking. The air is bitingly cold, what with it being october and the seasons are changing, and the thin flimsy denim jacket he's got wrapped around his skinny figure really isn't cutting it, but Harry can't afford anything thicker. And getting a new jacket would require Harry to ask his Mama, and that would require Anne asking Des for some money, because god knows she didn't have enough, and guess what was next on Harry's _thing's to avoid_ list?

Asking Des for money.

Because then Des would know Harry was a lowly Omega that couldn't provide for himself, and couldn't provide for his Mama, and that meant he'd been right all along.

But the weather wasn't the reason for Harry's abrupt stop. He'd made it about half of the way back to his own apartment, but he was aware that he felt light headed and anxious, and that meant he could go into depri.

Why did his Biology hate him so much?

With another groan he spins on his heal and starts walking back to Zayn and Niall's apartment, pulling the jacket further around his body. 

Harry didn't actually mind spending time at Zayn and Niall's apartment, and it definitely felt way more like home than Harry's place. It was closer to campus and they had their own bathroom facilities, along with a spare bedroom as the couple obviously shared a room which Harry spent a fair bit of time in.

And they'd offered the room to Harry multiple times, but Harry would never accept, because he knew he wouldn't be able to pay rent, and he knew he couldn't spend his heats there either.

The omega takes a moment as he's walking to really appreciate the beauty of the autumn leaves on the trees. So often Harry felt like people went about their journey's with the destiniation in mind, and nothing else seeming to be of a concern to them, and Harry felt very sad about that. He felt everyone should always take moments to take in their surroudnings and appreciate the beauty of nature.

He also felt like he was very judged for caring so deeply about such tiny things.

He sighs in relief when he reaches the building block, all but running up the stairs and shoving his key in the door.

The warmth of the inside hits him, making him want to whimper and curl up in a ball, or in his nest, which is potentially a big sign that Harry is a bit too close to going into depri.

"Haz?" he hears a confused Zayn call out, some shuffling followed by Zayn appearing, concern etched into his eyes.

Harry smiles meekly, eyes trained on the floor. "S-Sorry, um, I can go-"

"Don't be silly. Didn't think you'd be coming back today? You feeling alright?"

Harry shakes his head hesitantly, a few curls falling in front of his eyes. "Um, I know you already, like, uh, spent time with me today," Harry cringes as he says it, knowing he sounds needy and annoying, "but, um, I still, uh-"

"You feel like it wasn't enough?" Zayn offers kindy, a frown still on the Alpha's face.

Harry nods, feeling a shiver run through him as the cold from outside settles deep into his bones, despite the cold. 

"Shit, H, you're shivering. C'mere," Zayn says, pulling the Omega towards him, a hand to his cheeks to check his temperature again, frown deepening. "Is that all you had on, Harry? It's bloody freezing outside, you need to wear a proper coat. I don't care if it ruins your hippy asthetic or whatever, you'll catch a cold, or something worse. How long were you out for?"

Harry shrugs as Zayn takes his jacket off for him, revealing a flimsy short sleeved t-shirt with way too many holes in (making the Alpha tut in dissaproval), toeing his shoes off at the same time. "I don't know. I left here like what, fifteen minutes ago? Twenty? I'm not that sure."

Zayn pulls Harry by the arm into their living room area. "Really? That's not that long for you to be that cold. But still, I don't want to see you wearing that jacket again until at least May. You understand?" he questions, pushing Harry onto the sofa and wrapping a blanket around his small frame, making Harry purr appreciatively and snuggle into, nosing at the material to catch the scent of Zayn and Ni, the scent of safety and comfort.

"Harry?"

Oh, right. "Um, I understand what you're saying. But, like, I don't exactly have anything warmer to wear," he says quietly, face flushed red in embarassment.

"What? Can't you ask your Oma to lend you something so you can get one?"

Harry's skin darkens even more, not that he thought it was possible, and he knew Zayn could smell the embarassment on him. "Um, Papa stopped sending Ma the money for me, 'cause I'm 18 and whatever, and I don't want Mama to think I need more money because she already had to get two more jobs so I could come to Uni with you guys, and I know how tired she's been recently. I don't wanna be a burden," he whispers, picking at a loose thread in the blanket.

Zayn sighs and squats in front of his best friend, lifting Harry's chin up so he could look at him eye to eye. "Hazza, you know you can talk to me and Ni about this, yeah? Your Apa is a piece of shit, you should have told us what was happening."

Harry blinks, focusing in on Zayn's concerned eyes. "s'fine," he mutters with a shrug, " _I'm_ fine. I just didn't feel too good. Is Niall still upstairs?"

"No, I'm here," Niall announces, walking in with a share bag of Nacho's, "what's up?"

Harry smiles up at Niall and makes grabby hands, glad to be off of the topic of his Apa.

"I don't know if you're reaching for me or my Nacho's, Styles," Niall teases with a laugh, Harry giving a cheeky smile in return.

Zayn sniggers, ruffling Harry's hair as he stands up and heads to the kitchen. "He wants both, babe."

Niall shakes his head with a smirk, plopping down on the sofa next to Harry, shifting them both round so both their back are against the sides of the sofa, legs entangled together in the middle with the Nacho's.

"So, how are things in Hazza land?"

Harry shrugs, pulling the blanket tighter once more in a pathetic attempt at getting a stronger scent of both Zayn and Niall. His head was still feeling a little fuzzy.

"Okay, I guess. I had my first lecture yesterday and it was good, but I just sat at the back by myself. I don't think I'm gonna make many friends," he says sadly, nose twitching in the way it does when he's sad.

Niall nudges his tummy with his foot. "Hey, don't think like that. You just need to give it a little time, yeah? Everyone probably feels like that when they're new, I'm sure you'll find someone."

The Omega just shrugs again, lifting the blanket up closer to his nose once more. He wants to be snuggled up next to Niall, his nose right next to Niall's scent gland, but he doesn't wanna look needy.

"So, I was thinking maybe we just order some food? Cause I just looked in the fridge and I'm thinking when was the last time someone did the grocery shopping round here," Zayn announces with a laugh as he rejoins the two boys, "what do you fanc- Niall!"

Niall gives a questioning look to his boyfriend. "What? If you're that pressed about the good I'll go grab something tomorrow-"

"I don't give a monkeys arse about the shopping. I left you with Harry to give him some comfort! I didn't mean that in the form of leg contact!" Zayn exasperates, kicking Niall off the sofa and replacing him, hauling Harry back up to his lap.

"It's fine-"

"It's not, you're still shaking. Are you cold?" Zayn frets, rubbing his hands up and down Harry's arms.

Harry doesn't say anything, leaning into Zayn's warmth and breathing in his calming pheromones.

"Thanks for kicking me off, asshole," Niall mutters, kicking Zayn's shins and pulling himself back onto the sofa with his Nacho's and a small frown.

Harry pouts and pulls Niall closer to him so they're all in one giant cuddle, Harry in the middle. "Sorry."

Niall and Zayn both laugh together, laughing harder when Harry pouts further at them. "Sorry, babes," Zayn says as he regains his breath, "sorry, but you know you don't need to apologize, right?"

Harry flushes red again. "Shut up," he mumbles, "and I'm hungry. Can we get Thai?" 

Zayn smirks. "Sure. I'll go get the menu, Niall you can actually cuddle Hazza this time," he teases, pressing a kiss to Niall's forehead.

Harry let Niall scent him as he finally felt the day washing over him, really hoping Zayn has forgotten all about the hospital conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, there will be more Louis in the next chapter, and this one's kinda sad, but as gotta make my boys sad so they can grow and be happy.

"So that should be everything for today, any questions please just email me whenever you feel like it, Harry I'd like a word please," the professor says, Harry's face heating up with embarrassment when everyone turns to look at him.

The omega keeps his eyes trained on the floor, stuffing all of his belongings in his bag and aimlessly scrolling on his phone as everyone piles out the door.

"How the fuck is the retard supposed to have a word when he can't even talk, he's such a weirdo," Harry hears one of the Alphas say with a laugh, blinking back tears.

Harry had thought that maybe Uni would be different, maybe it would be the making of him. A tiny part of him thought that maybe he would be able to have more friends and even start talking more, but it was becoming very evident that that wasn't the case.

And at least before in school he'd had Zayn and Niall in most of his lessons, so he had felt so lonely. But Harry was studying criminology, a subject he was hating more and more as time went on, whilst Niall was doing sound engineering and Zayn English literature.

Once the room was empty, he made his way to the front and waited for his professor to finish up his work, hands shaking and eyes on the floor again when he turns around with a smile.

"Hey, Harry. Don't be too worried, you're not in any trouble, son. I just wanted to know how you're settling into everything now, it's been a few weeks since term started and I haven't heard too much from you. Is there anything you wanted to talk about? You can write it down if you want," the professor says kindly, handing Harry a pen and paper.

Harry smiles faintly, taking the pen and quickly scribbling down, _Im fine, thank you for asking._

Ths professor nods, looking back at Harry. "Well that's good. And I mean, not everyone has to have a million friends or anything like that, but if you like I can try partnering you up with someone so you can form some kind of a friendship here?"

Harry just shakes his head, holding onto the straps of his backpack. He just wants to go and see Zayn and Niall, it's been four days since he last saw them.

"Okay, that's okay too. It's just, well to be honest Harry I'm a little worried about you. I've heard what some of the others are saying about you, and I want you to know that's a, it isn't true at all, and b, it isn't acceptable what they're saying. Sadly, because this isn't high school anymore there isn't really much I can do, they pay to be here so that's just the way it is. But I'm also a little worried about the work side of things, you seem to be a little behind everyone else. Is there anything I can help with?" The professor says, handing him back the pen and paper.

Harry sighs, taking the pen back into his shaking hand. _I am fine, I'll put more work in. I will catch up, don't worry._

The professor sighs again. "What about any of the societies? There's lots of clubs you can join, are you sporty? Arty? Musical? We've got omega support societies, church societies, yoga. Anything picking your fancy?"

Harry shakes his head.

"Okay, well, I'm always here, if you ever need anything. Please don't hesitate to contact me, you have my email and my number, if you need help with school stuff or personal stuff I'm here, yeah? Remember this isn't school anymore, we're here to support you and help you. Any questions?"

Harry shakes his head again. He needs to get to Zayn.

"Okay, have a good weekend then, Harry. I'll see you on Monday," the professor says, waving Harry out as the Omega all but runs out of the room.

If Harry felt shit before, he really feels like shit now. He's determined not to cry until he gets home, and by that he means Zayn and Niall's apartment, because if he cries now people will see him and they'll think he's pathetic.

Harry's _not_ pathetic.

Okay maybe he is a little, but he can't let people know he is pathetic. He is strong, he has to be strong.

It's been a month since he arrived at uni, and so far it wasn't really all that.

Sure, he was far away from his Papa, but that also meant he was far away from his Ma, and that really sucked.

He hated his course, and the only reason he'd really picked criminology was because he Papa had made him take it, which was stupid considering he didn't live with him anymore. But he still felt like he needed to prove himself to his father.

Criminology was hard, it was a strong subject. It was also completely full of Alphas and betas, which was not really working in Harry's favour.

As he speed walks out of campus, cursing under his breath at the cold wind again, he pulls out his phone to try and send a text to Niall, almost whimpering when it dies on him.

_Why is the world fucking against me today?_

He stuffs his hands back into his pockets, picking a up a light jog to try and get to safety quicker.

With hindsight maybe Harry would have realised there was a different car parked out the front. Or maybe he would have picked up on the different voices before he walked in. Or maybe he would have realised there was unusual scents outside the door.

But he didn't, because he was worried and he wasn't thinking straight.

He doesn't even knock.

"Niall?! I need y-" Harry calls out loudly, bursting through the door and heading straight to the living room, the words dying in his throat immediately.

There are two Alpha's sitting on the sofa with Niall and Zayn.

Two Alpha's Harry has never seen or heard of before.

Harry hasn't spoken to anyone outside of his mum, Gemma and Ziall since that awful night.

Until now.

Shit.

"Shit, Harry. You didn't say you was coming," Zayn breaks the silence, standing up whilst Harry just stays standing there like a deer in headlights. "You wanna go out the back quickly?"

Two Alpha's just heard Harry's voice.

There is a reason why Harry doesn't talk to people. A reason why he can't talk people. 

He can't deal with this.

Harry spins on his heel and bolts back out the door and down the five flights of stairs, hearing Zayn shout after him.

As soon as he reaches the bottom he sinks down, body curling in on itself as he whimpers, tears streaming down his face, body shaking.

He buries his face into his knees, a sob racking through his body as he feels familiar arms wrap around his frame.

"I'm so sorry, Haz. I really didn't think you'd come over today, I didn't think. It's okay, please calm down for me?" Zayn whispers, kneeling in front of Harry and pulling the Omega into his body to try and offer some form of comfort and warmth. This boy really needed a new coat.

Harry whimpers loudly and continues hyperventilating. Zayn doesn't _smell_ right. Zayn is supposed to smell like spices, and he doesn't. It's wrong, everything is wrong.

He tries pushing the body away from him, but Zayn just holds on tighter. "It's okay, I'm right here H. It's going to be okay."

Harry shakes his head rapidly, continuing to struggle against Zayn's hold.

"Stop struggling, babe. Can you tell me whats wrong? I can try and help," Zayn says softly, heart breaking seeing his friend so distressed.

But Harry can't tell Zayn, because Zayn is an Alpha and Harry shouldn't talk to Alpha's. Ever.

His omega instincts take over him as he bites Zayn's arm, successfully making the Alpha gasp in shock/pain as he lets go of the Omega, allowing Harry to turn around and resume his huddle by himself.

"Harry, _please_ talk to me, sweetie. I can't leave you here, and I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Those two Alpha's up there are really nice, okay? They'e like me, they aren't going to hurt you. You can trust them, I promise. Can you turn around for me?" Zayn asks from behind.

So that's why Zayn smelt wrong. The two Alpha's must have left there scent on him by accident. It was only the slightest change but Harry had a heightened sense of smell when he was about to go into depri, something his doctor told him was supposed to help his fight or flight system.

It generally tended to make things worse, like most things in Harry's life.

Sobs continued to rack through Harry as his breathing became more and more uncontrolled. With no warning he suddenly lurched forward and emptied the contents of his breakfast on the concrete in front of him.

"Shit, H it's okay, but I need you to communicate with me, babe. Please don't make me use my Alpha voice on you," Zayn sighs, going to rub a comforting hand up and down Harry's back just for Harry to flinch violently at the contact. "Sorry, sorry."

Harry shakes his head again, shifting away from the sick slightly and burying his face back into his knees.

Zayn sighs loudly. He really doesn't want to go all Alpha on Harry, especially when he's currently terrified of Alpha's, but he can't just sit and let this happen. Harry's going to pass out if this continues.

" _Omega, tell me what you need_ ," Zayn says reluctantly, voice much deeper and forcefull than normal. He doesn't really use his Alpha voice all that much, especially considering his mate isn't affected by it so there isn't really much need for it, so it always suprises him a little.

Harry whimpers loudly, finally turning round involuntarily to face Zayn. His Omega knows his Alpha is being serious, and that could mean the Alpha is in trouble or needs help. His Omega needs to make sure everything is okay.

Harry's eyes dart frantically and tiredly over Zayn through his tears, making sure he's okay and not hurt. "Need Niall," he whispers, curling in on himself protectively again once he's been assured his Alpha is not in danger, this time facing Zayn just in case.

Zayn sags slightly in relief. "Okay, I can do that for you. Do you want to come here whilst I call him and wait for him to come down?"

Harry turns back around, crossing his arms over his chest and away from Zayn to show him he's mad at him.

The Alpha sighs but lets it be as he calls his mate and waits for him to hurry the fuck up.

Harry continues crying but tries to focus on his breathing as his sobs become silent tears. He doesn't like it when Zayn uses his Alpha voice and Zayn knows this. 

Soon after Harry hears the unmistakable noise of Niall running down the stairs.

"What the hell is that smell?" is the first thing Niall says when he makes it down, cheeks flushed red from the stairs and cold, hair all messy.

"Harry worked himself up a bit too much. I can't get through to him, will you try. Please? He asked for you," Zayn says queitly, smiling gratefully when Niall presses a kiss to his forehead before he walks over to Harry, squatting in front of him whilst trying to stay as far away from the pile of sick. 

It's still not far enough.

"Hey, H. Can you look up for me darling?"

Harry tentatively looks up, wide terrified eyes locking with Niall's, the beta smiling softly.

"Hey. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Niall asks, grimacing and pulling Harry a little further away from the sick puddle as the smell penetrates the air.

Harry checks over his shoulder to still see Zayn sitting there, frowning and shaking his head as he turns back to Niall.

The beta sighs, rubbing a comforting hand through his friends hair. "Do you want Z to go, Haz? I can ask him to go back up to our flat if you don't want him here?"

Harry nods, eyes focused on the floor.

"Zayn, can you fuck off babe?" Niall calls out, looking up to the Alpha, concern written on his face.

Zayn just nods silently, heading back upstairs, his ego slightly hurt.

"Sorry," Harry whispers, fiddling with his shoe lace nervously.

He feels really bad for sending Zayn away, and Niall could have been a little nicer about it, but Harry wanted, just for once, to put himself first, and Zayn really wasn't helping. 

"Can you tell me what's wrong now? Did something happen at uni before or was it those two Alphas?"

"Musn't talk to Alphas. I spoke infront of them, they heard my voice. They'll be mad at me. Niall I don't know what to do," Harry whispers, mind going a little more cloudy as he starts going further into depri. If Zayn was here he'd be able to smell it, but Niall won't. He won't know.

"It's okay, Haz. They aren't going to mind. Liam and Louis are really cool, and they were working with me on some assignment we had. Well Liam was, Louis doesn't actually take sound engineering. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that they won't be mad that you spoke to me in front of them. Most Alpha's wouldn't. Its okay, yeah?" Niall tries to say comfortingly.

"No! I can't talk without an Alpha's permission in front of them, Ni. I'm going to be in so much trouble," Harry whispers again, curling further into himself.

-

_"Papa?" six year old Harry whispers, holding on tightly to the hand rail as he makes his way down the stairs one by one. "Papa?!"_

_The light suddenly turns on, causing little Harry to wince and scrunch his eyes up. "Harry, what are you doing here?"_

_"Couldn't sleep. Mama wasn't here to read me a story!" Harry says, finally getting to the bottom, one blanket in hand, his pyjamas on back to front as he'd had to dress himself for bed, his Mama away visiting his aunti in hospital for the night. Harry was getting a baby cousin!_

_Papa gripped one of Harry's little arms in his hand, roughly pulling him to stand in front of him. "You don't need a stupid story being read to you, stupid boy. You're an Alpha, and Alpha's don't need help to be able to sleep. Now, my friends are in the other room, I don't want you disturbing them. Go back upstairs, and don't bother me again."_

_Harry felt himself tear up a little. "B-But Mama always makes me a hot milk and comes to read me another story when I can't sleep. I want Mama!"_

_"Oi, Des! What's taking you so long?" a man calls out as he walks into the living room with Harry and his Papa._

_Harry goes to stand behind his Papa, gripping his trouser leg in fear._

_"Fucks sake," Des mutters under his breathe, "Fred, this is my pathetic excuse of a child who can't seem to do something as simple as fall asleep by himself. Harry, I'm not going to tell you again. Go upstairs now, and don't come back down here again."_

_"But Papa-"_

_Desmond kneels onto the floor so he's the same height as Harry and pushes the boy back sharply so he's pushed against the wall. "You will never, ever, talk in front of an Alpha without their permission, little boy. How dare you think you are worthy of that! Does that school teach you nothing? You need to know your fucking place, Harry. You've disappointed me enough by being a lousy Omega, but you are even more disappointing with the way you act. I want you to apologize to my friend, now!"_

_Harry had dropped his blanket in fear, tears running down his face as his eyes stay glued to the floor. He knew better than to start crying loudly now._

_"Sorry, sir," he says quietly._

_"It's good to know you're bringing your child up properly, Des. This whole, not being able to adminish physical punishment to children is absurd, if they break the rules they should recieve the correct punishment for it," Fred says cockily, making Des smirk as he's still pushing his son aganist the wall._

_"Second that," he says, slapping Harry on his bottom harshly. "Go upstairs, and don't bother me again."_

_Harry nods and picks up his blanket, going up the stairs as quickly as he can with his little legs, running for his bed when he makes it to the top and sobbing heavily into his pillow, hugging his teddy close to his chest._

_He just wanted a story._

_Why did he always mess everything up?_

-

"Harry, I promise you, no-one is mad at you. You aren't in trouble," Niall says firmly, holding Harry by his shoulders.

Harry looks up fearfully into Niall's eyes. "You're not going to hit me?" he whispers, so quietly it's like he's afraid of making Niall mad just by talking.

Niall's chest hurts.

"Babe, I promise you, no-one is ever going to hit you, never. Even if you murdered Zayn, I'd still never hit you, okay? Hitting someone is abuse, it's not an okay response to something," the beta says as calmly as he can, his voice shaking only a little towards the end.

"Its okay. I deserve it," Harry whispers, scratching harshly at his ankle.

Niall carefully pulls Harry's hand away. "No. You don't deserve it. Especially not for talking, Harry. You never, ever, deserve to be hit. And if anyone does, you come tell me and Zayn, yeah?"

Harry nods, although Niall doesn't know if he actually believes it or not.

"C'mon, you're freezing. How about we go back inside and get you a nice warm drink, and some cuddles, and we can talk about whatever happened before you came over, yeah? Zayn's most likely chucked the other two out by now, so it's all safe up there. You wanna come?" Niall says hopefully.

Harry nods, lets Niall pull him up, and follows him closely behind up to the flat, wiping away his tears in an attempt to calm himself down.

"Z? Are you alone in here?" Niall calls out, hearing a confirmation from Zayn. "You okay with talking to Zayn now?" 

Harry nods, hands beginning to shake a little from the depri as Niall leads him to the bathroom so he can brush his teeth.

"Ni, I think I'm gonna drop." he whispers after he rinses his mouth.

Nialls eyes widen. "Shit, okay, let's get you to Zayn, yeah?"

Harry follows Niall to their bedroom, where Zayn comes out looking a little stressed, relaxing a little when he sees Harry.

"Hey, you- oh fuck, you're about to drop. Okay, it's fine, Haz, let's get you on the bed," Zayn says hurriedly, guiding Harry to the double bed whilst Niall runs to the kitchen to get the kettle on.

"Good Omega, you're being a really good omega for me, Hazza. You wanna have a cuddle with me?" Zayn asks, wrapping a blanket around Harry's shoulders as he also gets on the bed, sitting up against the headboard.

Harry nods hesitantly as Zayn holds his arms out, this time letting the Omega come towards him at his own pace.

Harry slowly edges closer to Zayn, sniffing his wrists and turning his nose up before settling in Zayn's lap, tears resuming their path down his cheeks.

"Good Omega. You feeling a little better now?" Zayn asks quietly, Harry nodding in response before hiding his face into Zayn's neck.

As Zayn positions Harry a little better on his lap, the Omega reaches for his wrist and starts licking at his pulse point to try and take the hint of other Alpha's away. 

He doesn't realise he's even doing it until after Zayn hangs up. "What exactly are you doing, Haz?"

Harry blushes and drops the hand, hiding his face back into Zayn's neck. His sobs have started to subside and now he's just shaking a little with a few silent tears streaming down his face. "Sorry," he whispers, making Zayn smile fondly.

"It's okay, babes. You can smell those other Alpha's on me, can't you? You trying to get rid of the smell?" 

Harry nods, nosing up to Zayn's scent gland to get a stronger sniff of him, relaxing when he finally smells just Zayn. 

No strange Alphas.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers, drilling his head to Zayn's chest.

"Shh, don't apologize, it's okay. I really didn't think you'd be coming over, I completely forgot, I should have checked," Zayn says apologetically.

"Was gonna text Niall, my phone died," Harry says tiredly, blushing when his tummy rumbles as Zayn laughs.

"When was the last time you ate something?" he teases, pulling the blanket round further.

Harry hides his face further into Zayn's neck. "Shut up. I had tacos last night, I just didn't have time for lunch today, and I just threw up so..."

"Why didn't you eat lunch? You need to eat three substantial meals a day, Harry. You're underweight as it is," Zayn tuts, smiling when Niall comes in with drinks and snacks.

"I know. I was trying to revise for a test, lost track of time. Forgot. Sorry."

"You wanna talk about what happened before you got here, you looked pretty upset before everything else happended," Niall says quietly, sitting next to the two boys.

"Um, I just, my professor told me I was basically failing, and he was asking me, like, do I have friends, am i in societies, do I need any help. It just made feel a bit shitty. And no-one in that class likes me, to be honest I don't even like the class. I don't wanna study criminology, I only took it because my Apa made me," Harry admits, wincing when he feels the anger I'm both Zayn and Niall.

"Harry..." Zayn reprimands, tensing a little under Harry.

"I'm sorry," Harry mutters, guilt filling him up.

"Hazza look at me," Niall says sternly, understanding his boyfriend was feeling quite angry right now and wasn't in the right state of mind to talk. "You're Apa isn't a part of your life anymore. He doesn't pay for your education, you don't live with him, you're not dependent on him. You can't keep letting him control you, you can't live your life for his approval."

Harry feels more tears stream down his face. "I just wanted him to be proud of me," Harry whispers, playing with his fingers and avoiding the looks from his two best friends.

"But you're ruining your life in the process. You're not going to make yourself proud by doing this, and you're also not making your Apa proud, because you could solve world hunger and be still wouldn't be proud of you Harry. And that's shit, but you have to stop seeking his approval so much. There's still time to change to a different course," Niall says softly, hoping not to upset the Omega even more.

Harry just sniffles as Zayn tugs him closer, expressing his feelings through the hug. 

"We can all go have a chat with your advisor tomorrow if you wanted? Have a chat about your options? There's no point carrying on with your course if you're unhappy sweetie," Zayn says.

Harry shrugs. "Maybe next week."

The two mates just sigh, letting the subject drop for now.

Zayn grabs the bowl of fries Niall had reheated in the microwave. "C'mon, eat some of this for me."

Harry does so obediently, chewing on the fries tiredly as Niall and Zayn talk about something irrelevant.

He's okay, or he'll be okay. Eventually.

He just wishes he'd have gotten a better look at the two Alpha's so he knows who saw him basically fall apart from the smallest thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, hopefully it won't be as long of wait for the next chapter

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so so so sorry. I know this is really not what any of you wanted, you all wanted me to update my other fics. But my brain just kinda decided to do this instead so enjoy I guess??
> 
> I AM going to update the others I promise, I have chapters for some of my other fics that I wrote like two months ago but I just never finished them and I feel like you'll all hate me for not having posted them oops!!
> 
> I just wanted to say a really big thank you to those of you guys who do comment, I know I've been super inactive recently and it always makes me so happy to see people asking if I'm okay or if I'm still writing and all that. It's very much appreciated xx
> 
> I wrote a lot more in lockdown as I had a lot more free time because I kinda neglected my school work, but now I know what uni I want to go to and what course I wanna take I really need to focus on that so that's why I'm not writing that much at the moment.
> 
> And I know this is so cringe and cliche but I've just not been feeling so amazing headspace wise recently either, but I'm working on it.
> 
> Let me know if you liked this one, it will probably end up being like a four-five chaptered fic, I don't wanna make it too long.
> 
> Sorry again xxx


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